Alma 29

TRUMP OF AN ANGEL

"O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people... But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me" (Alma 29:1).

I love Alma's desire to share the Gospel. I know that he says that he sins in his wish; however, his desire is so pure, and all he wants to do is to bring people to happiness. He doesn't think of himself, but only of God's purposes. As Alma says that he "ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted" him, my heart goes out to him. I understand the feeling of wanting to make an impact, wanting to make a difference--not for myself, but simply to do as God would have me to do. I am constantly feeling as if there is something more for me to do. I desire to do God's will. I look forward to the day--when I have completed my time here on earth--that I will see my Heavenly Father. It is my hope that at that point, I will have done all that He desired of me. And so, I continue to press forward, hoping that I am fulfilling my own personal mission--knowing that I should be patient in the Lord, and trust in Him--knowing that I should be "content with the things he has allotted me", but somehow struggling to be patient in His timing. I struggle as Alma. And so, I understand Alma. I understand his desire. I too, sin in my wish.

Last night, after I had typed this--I had a conversation with my daughter about school. She sometimes finds herself feeling "less than" who she is because of others' looks and demeanor towards her. As I listened to her insecurities, I thought of Alma's wish of wanting to be an angel speaking with the trump of God. I found myself again desiring as Alma, but this time for my children. I envisioned myself speaking as if I had the trump of God and in so doing, convincing my daughter of her great worth. If I were an angel, there would be no doubt to my words--she would know that what I said was true. Sometimes it is difficult in the world we live to be convinced of our worth. The world can crowd out our belief in ourselves causing us to question our divinity. Every day I ask my daughter two questions before she leaves for school. First, "Who are you?" To which she answers, "I am a Child of God". I then ask, "What does that mean?" To which she responds, "I am a princess". This tradition was started when she was in first grade. At the time I struggled with her being away from my influence for so long. All of sudden, my sweet daughter was being taught by someone else the majority of the day. As I struggled with this transition, I felt inspired to start this tradition. Last night I reminded her of our tradition. I told her that that tradition was inspired of God. He knew that she would need to remember her divinity, and so a tradition was born. I promised her that it wasn't just meaningless words--it was true. I also reminded her of a favorite quote of mine by Eleanor Roosevelt--"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

As my daughter finally laid her head down for sleep, I again wished I had a convincing trump of an angel.